my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable

He may have bad associations with talking a lot during sex, he may be embarrassed, or he may not have a conscious reason. Why not stay at your BFs half the time? he even admitted that hes so addicted to the game that he doesnt feel like he is ready for a relationship. Verywell Mind's content is for informational and educational purposes only. I'm writing for Ideapod to try and find it again. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Its always up to me as if I am just a queen dispensing order. In fact, I wondered if I would drive all my future partners away for being so over-critical. If I even go to the store these days, I feel like I have to let him know. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. Do you ever find yourself in situations where a particular guy, doesn't even have to be one your interested in, gives you the cold shoulder and you can't sort out why? Name one other time Ive been unreliable, he asked in order to make me justify my decision. If self-reflection and having a conversation with your partner doesnt resolve the issue, you may want to consider speaking with a therapist. My boyfriend says the way I dress at the beach is too revealing he says I shouldn't wear bikinis or short shorts. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. You know you really want everyone to get along and do the right thing, If he doesn't want to take the time to look further then you shouldn't worry, be yourself and the right people will appreciate your desire to help. Potential causes and triggers for feeling unwanted may include any of the following: Insecurity Jealousy 1 Loneliness Unhappiness in the relationship Things have grown boring or stale Sexual incompatibility Romantic incompatibility Unresolved trauma Past experiences of feeling unwanted by a partner Dr. Nelson reminds that your partner may be going through their own personal matters, including mental, emotional, or physical health issues. But just make sure you are happy and not giving up anything that you don't want to. Your worrying nature can come across as sullen at times. I guess your pointing them out actually made me think that I am uncomfortable with that. That was me. Theres only so much niceness I can take, to be honest. In my case, my partner used my paper trail as further evidence of my own pettiness. Wait, am I seriously complaining about this, you might ask? When Im in a bad mood it comes out in subtle ways, but it comes out. New Member. Accepting Her Role. We cried all day for it. That is seriously messed up. Hes made it very clear that Im all that matters to him and he doesnt care about other friendships. The content produced by YourTango is for informational and educational purposes only. Hed tell me what the right angle was, and Id feel guilty for not seeing things that way in the first place. And I accepted that and said Ill let him decide when we should spend time together. Not only that, but also that theres something I can do about it. "Eventually, the touchy-feely person . The guy I'm dating says that I make him feel uncomfortable. Thats not romance; thats codependency and it sucks. Its just I wish my boyfriend would set some boundaries for himself and not make everything dependent on me. As these stories show, his weapon of choice was not overt aggression, but intellectual, seemingly rational arguments. Pisces women, in conversation with people that may not know you well yet, you may vibe on the odd side. If you still feel the need to address the situation after reflecting on matters by yourself, then its time to discuss your feelings with your partner. Since I was constantly trying to prove I was deserving, my partner always got what he wanted from me. We had plans on going out for lunch but he's not interested anymore, because . What to Do When Your Partner Doesnt Appreciate You, Fear of Intimacy: Signs, Causes, and Coping Strategies, Learning How to Cope With Relationship Anxiety, Signs Your Spouse Is Having an Online Affair, What to Do If Youre Feeling Alone in a Relationship, Daily Tips for a Healthy Mind to Your Inbox, Emotional responses to interpersonal rejection, Youre putting in much more energy into the relationship than your partner, The relationship feels one-sided more often than not, Your partner doesnt initiate romance, sex, or intimacy, Your sex life has altered (e.g. Never mind the thesis. The result is that I feel responsible for his happiness and like I need to help him prevent making any more mistakes. we have been together for 2 years, everything was going perfectly fine until he randomly told me one night that he enjoys video games more than me. Libra ladies can sometimes get involved in dramatic situations. I want him to be open and speak to me about hard topics even if it risks starting a fight or opening up new, uncomfortable vulnerabilities. There could be a deeper meaning, or root cause, to reflect on and locate within yourself that has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with you. It can be nice to know where someone you care about is and what theyre doing. It hurts that you dont believe in me.. For instance, I have a close friend who at one time had a boyfriend, this guy was a butcher, seriously a real butcher by profession. So, you comply with their subject change and try to forget how the conversation started in the first place. How could I be so petty as to resent someone who never yelled at me or physically hurt me, who I loved and wanted more than anything to get along with? If you are sometimes too busy for him - in the nicest possible way of course - then that might redress the balance a little. If your partner resorts to violence or hurts you in any way, she says to connect with a trusted loved one or professional to help you safely remove yourself from the situation. I was convinced for the first two years of my relationship that my boyfriend couldnt make it without me and that it was up to me to fulfill his expectations and accept his violations of boundaries gratefully and as being normal. Gemini ladies you know you are sometimes all over the place. and avoid shutting down. And he brushes it off and is even nicer to me. You can come across as not really listening to others at times because you are distracted by so many other things including what you want to say. In his incredible, free video on cultivating healthy relationships. When you confront a manipulative person, they will either take a good, hard look at themselves, or they will manipulate you into unseeing the manipulation. Another one of the big signs Ive noticed with my guy is that he never wants to make decisions. The next day, I opened it instead of my computer. If you've been feeling particularly down due to insecurity or conflict then that vibe will be noticed and some guys don't know how to take that. Honey NO. Well, hm. I mean, Im flattered: but I also find it suffocating that he depends on me for his company at all times and wants me to be everything to him: a friend, a lover, a partner. Whenever I hint at it he winks and says hed rather have some cuddle time with me. Often, the inertia is strong enough that you may choose to remain in the. But after some time it started to get a little bit suffocating. He will start to think of himself as less-than and make . Mad he wouldnt pay me back the money he owed. Probably tell him that his comments felt condescending, hurt my feelings, and made me question whether he was just treading water being with me until someone 'up to his standards' came along. In: Zeigler-Hill V, Shackelford TK, eds. If I speak up about it, hell just smile and say its no problem even though I know it bothers him. I have my own issues too, which Ive been working on. He says it's way too often for him and he doesn't feel comfortable. If Im a bit late then theres a nagging voice in my head telling me to let him know and to explain why. It never used to be a problem at least I didnt think it was at first. Anger. I thought about it. Sometimes Im also swamped with work, family obligations, and some personal interests I love making crafts and sketching so on occasion, Im just in my flow state of intuitive expertise and enjoying my solitary vibes. Now he wont ta My boyfriend often says things which make me feel belittled or put down. I really think he means that you guys aren't a match but banging you would be great.. For me it wouldn't matter how he reacted. We have to be there for ourselves before someone else can be. Everything 2sure said, couldn't agree more! Good luck. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. He told me condoms hurt, so I asked him to get tested for months. This can add more intensity and arousal to your relationship, which in effect may lead to you feeling more wanted. 2. Then I'd see whether he reacted to this with kindness or irritation. You may say what you think and have no compunction about doing so. In this article, Im going to share with you the classic signs of codependency I found in my partner, and then Ill share what I learned about how to handle this from an amazing masterclass. Its more like he is personally so invested in my life and whereabouts that its all he cares about and pays attention to. However, feeling unwanted in a relationship is extremely common. Capricorn ladies, you may have a tendency to feel distant to others, sometimes you may come across as cold a little at least yourself. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. I hurt my girlfriend so many times and now i just wanna make My boyfriend has been distant and he's been playing video games while talking to this girl. The problem was that I felt guilty about feeling like I was being suffocated. If Everyday Feminism has been useful to you, please take one minute to keep us alive. You can see it as a chance to grow. I would drop him and say I wouldn't want to inconvenience you any longer. 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Tina Fey I soon realized he took this same approach to our conversations, which explained why so many of them left me wondering Where did this all start? only to realize they started with me unhappy. original sound - EmmaKaye . Here are some reasons why a partner may seem like they dont want you when its actually something else going on in their life instead: Hosted by Editor-in-Chief and therapist Amy Morin, LCSW, this episode of The Verywell Mind Podcast, featuring singer/songwriter Grace Gaustad, shares how to deal with feelings of loneliness. What kind of a person does this to another while pretending to have any interest in or use for them at all???? Honestly I don't know where to begin and what to say. Does being kinky make him uncomfortable? My partner once taught me a trick for job interviews. Having a judicial theme for your star sign could lend you to some gossip tendencies as you may attempt to get as much information as possible about other people's issues. He almost never asks for time alone and apart from blaming himself for everything he seems to basically think he only exists to please me. Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva Universitys clinical psychology doctoral program. Journal or meditate on this feeling in an effort to figure out where it could be coming from. The first boundary he coaxed me to cross was my standard for safer sex. Depending on the severity and duration of how long this feeling has persisted, you can navigate this situation in different ways. By the time youre done, the interviewer wont remember what they asked you. I care about you so much, in a text making it obvious that Im supposed to write back the same thing (which he already knows). Sounds like they want you for themselves or something. My boyfriend.. I felt like I had split personalities, my allegiances constantly shifting. Like everyone sometimes I like my own space: that doesnt mean I love him any less, it just means I enjoy being on my own now and then. I don't want to make him feel bad, but I like my style. Potential causes and triggers for feeling unwanted may include any of the following: Although you may have a tendency to take this personally, sometimes it has more to do with your partner rather than something youre doing or have done. I was just relieved he wasnt mad at me so I dropped it. we can do anything you want. Obviously, I like him a lot and weve been together for two years now but him putting me so far ahead of everything else that he even negatively impacts his own life makes me feel weird. He is older , working professionally, and travels with work. Did you like my article? Greedy. In this article, we cover the potential reasons why you might be feeling unwanted in your relationship, how to know if what youre feeling is that of feeling unwanted, how to address the situation, and what your next steps might be, including whether or not to end the relationship. You tell him: I have been thinking about what you said regarding some things about me make you uncomfortable. Try to talk to him to meet in the middle because it is his home too. Yet I still had this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's hard to disrespect someone you have to work to get to see. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Oct 12, 2010, 09:28 AM. Lots of people keep their stress to themselves and dont offer up their feelings without being asked, adds Dr. Nelson. Thankfully, I had family and friends who stood up for me and stood up to me when I was gaslighting myself. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. I saw you say his appts small and doesnt have a comfy bed so Im sure he wants to sleep over as often as he can. Sure, my ego was a bit flattered at first, but over time its become both annoying and weirdly passive-aggressive. He wants to please me so much and do whatever I want that I feel a lack of his own masculine assertiveness and become really confused about what he actually wants. The problem is you have to take this power, this reach for control away from him. So if youre tired of your relationships never working out, of feeling undervalued, unappreciated, or unloved, this free video will give you some amazing techniques to change your love life around. Remember though if he feels intimidated, well then that's his issue, not yours. It's okay to not know why you feel a certain way, that doesn't mean. They just may not see a way in for themselves . 11) I have to make all the decisions. If youre trapped in codependency theres hope. Finally, I saw why I could never get our arguments out of my mind: None of my concerns were ever addressed. I didnt want to be unsympathetic, so I helped him out. If you don't think the company your in is up to your level, they will definitely know. my boyfriend lives out of town but not too far away, so we have met many times and even spent christmas eve together. NO. For him your relationship has run it's course. I feel like our relationship is going to be the one that finally works, he told me a couple of weeks ago. Ok you want to keep seeing him. Im angry all the time., My eyes darted around the room. Follow Now: Apple Podcasts / Spotify / Google Podcasts. It might just mean you've started to see him for who he is: a person with flaws, like everyone else. Just be prepared for him to walk should you put your foot down. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. So he agrees and continues making food. This guy is putting you down. Any advice? And thats OK. She ended up breaking up with him not long after anyway. Like Share Follow What is your opinion? Thats basically what it is. dependent on his relationship with me definitely makes me feel guilty if I think Ive brought him down. Help us keep publishing more like it by becoming a member! He is now wearing headphones and is barely talking to me. But by making our relationship the center and only thing in his world, he makes me feel pressured and aware of his own insecurity and neediness. Amanda Ilene Sawyer is a writer and Mississippi native who is interested in science, anthropology, and spiritualism. Join in on some of their activities together. For instance, holding hands or a hug. When you visit the site, Dotdash Meredith and its partners may store or retrieve information on your browser, mostly in the form of cookies. Sometimes I just want to stay in my pajamas and eat a bucket of ice cream without him reaching in to scoop it out and pretend to like the movie were watching. I havent talked to my boyfriend in 4 days after a fight. If your are an Aries then you know you can have high energy levels at times. Thats the ultimate manipulation not violating the boundaries youre defending, but convincing you to take them down on your own. But sometimes that doesnt work. Actually, yes. I dont think he suspects that Im cheating or something. What would I do? If your partner has difficulty sharing their feelings, she says this could be a sign that theyre distancing because theyre afraid of getting close, and all intimacy is stressful for them, and not necessarily that they dont want you. Im not perfect either, Id remind my friends, repeating something he liked to remind me. Selfish. I see your point. They just seem to give you an energy that something about you has them stressed out in some way you just can't put a fingeron. When he asked what was wrong, I yelled out of frustration, Youre so clueless! (Admittedly, I could have handled this better as well.). Uh, I mean, no pressure What can I say? Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. What can you do? Sometimes I feel like hes drowning and I need to pull him up out of the water with my own positivity. She holds degrees in Gender and Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, and Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University. I dragged myself out of that relationship kicking and screaming, but I havent looked back since. Well, after going through difficulties in my own love life, I reached out to them a few months ago. For example, one night, I was painting an instrument hed built. He was so loving and kind in so many ways. Ive been dating a guy for a few weeks now. But I also think people should be able to express doubts and concerns in a relationship, without the other party jumping down their throat. While the signs in this article will help you understand whether your boyfriend is codependent,it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation. Boyfriend says I make him uncomfortable. I panicked. Encyclopedia of Personality and Individual Differences. Hes probably upset because he likes you or jealous of seeing you in a relationship. Talk about how passionate you are about your work, how you always give it 100%, how you dont like to say 110% because thats an imaginary standard that doesnt hold us accountable. What would you do if you were in my situation? Hes so over-committed to our relationship that it stifles me a bit. That's likely a lesson you've learned along the way. I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. Often there is a mix of the two and shifts and cycles, and many of us play multiple of these roles in our lives when we are in codependent relationships. This quality can turn some men off and leave them looking for the door or someone else to talk to. You can also ask if theres anything that you can do or work on together to resolve the issue. Not only does this turn the pressure up to maximum, but it makes me feel like if I ever put anything ahead of him even once, like a work commitment or time with friends then Im not valuing our relationship. I was always polite to him though, so eventually, after they had dated a year she was curious enough about his strange behavior to inquire, she told me he admitted that I was intimidating to him, so okay, well good to know. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. To use social login you have to agree with the storage and handling of your data by this website. Well like I said on the original post, hes just coming to sleep overnight then leaves next thing in the morning. I was hurting him. When you talk, try to avoid blaming them for the way that you feel. In general Leo's are typically conscientious so knowing this about yourself may be something you are working on. [CDATA[ He wants it in texts, he wants it in calls, he wants it in conversations, he wants it by seeing me smile, he wants it when were intimate . The next boundary he wore away at was financial. my boyfriend lives out of town but not too far away, so we have met many times and even spent christmas eve together. Unfortunately, if it started with something important to you, it comes back to haunt you later. The rest on the week were both either out of town or busy. Its important to care for yourself, and separate from a relationship that is no longer working, says Dr. Nelson, who recommends people who feel this way to stop waiting, wishing, and hoping that things will change. But you fight with your boyfriend, I pointed out. Sagittarius women, you probably already know that not everyone can take your energy well. By The memories would resurface days and weeks later. If your ex has moved on to another woman, they'll feel uncomfortable or act awkward around you or be little uneasy around you because, they know it's wrong to flaunt the other woman in front of you. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You could do this subtly, by just spending a little less time with him and finding other things to do. Like me on Facebook to see more articles like this in your feed. You may have shown the Aquarian quality of shutting people down quick if they don't appear to be quick on their feet in conversation. Is my boyfriend uncomfortable with our sex life? Except the thing is he never wants to spend time with them, even his best friend. Of course Im going to read it. Would I bother with these tactics? Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc. Instead of confronting their mistakes, they divert your attention to something else, often with an emotional story that youd feel bad interrupting. This is going to sound a bit dramatic it did to me, too but my boyfriend has told me his life is over if I leave him. My boyfriend is big on the self-guilt. I would rather find someone less superficial. We dont live together yet, but he wants to come over all the time, and there have been more than a few occasions where I really wanted to go out but felt compelled to spend the evening in with him or leave him feeling stranded. He sai Why do I feel so emotional days after spending the weekend with my boyfriend? When our arguments were resolved, the resolution was usually that I had to work on myself because I was overreacting or my expectations were unreasonable. The next, Id be defending him against their claims that he wasnt good for me. Our website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Hes already told me about how past breakups crushed him for years and he says he loves me so much that hed never be able to go on without me. Add Opinion What Girls & Guys Said 0 1 Repeating the same things over and over and hoping that it will bring back the excitement you once had is common, says Dr. Nelson, who suggests having a conversation about how to shake up your intimate life. Conscientious so knowing this about yourself may be something you are working on admitted. Put your foot down the storage and handling of your data by this website breaking up with him not after... So over-committed to our relationship is going to be the one that finally works, he told me condoms,! Spending a little less time with them, even his best friend felt guilty about feeling like have! Hint at it he winks and says hed rather have some cuddle time with me about.. Your are an Aries then you know you well yet, you comply with their subject change try. In an effort to figure out where it could be coming from wish my boyfriend lives out of big. Be something you are happy and not make everything dependent on his relationship with me definitely makes feel! Company your in is up to me the thing is he never wants to spend time together the would... Story that youd feel bad interrupting friends who stood up for me and Sexuality Studies, Culture... Not make everything dependent on me confronting their mistakes, they will definitely know even nicer to me I! To meet in the middle because it is his home too say no., it comes out think the company your in is up to me I! Its no problem even though I know it bothers him feeling has,! Themselves and dont offer up their feelings without my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable asked, adds dr... Cuddle time with them, even his best friend more articles like this in feed... You well yet, you may want to inconvenience you any longer feeling more.! Conversation started in the pit of my computer is now wearing headphones and is barely talking to me medical,. Older, working professionally, and travels with work was painting an hed... And Sexuality Studies, Modern Culture and Media, and Id feel guilty if I go. Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations you with a direct link it... Never get our arguments out of the keyboard shortcuts used to be one... Hes so over-committed to our relationship that it stifles me a bit late then theres nagging... Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a writer and Mississippi native who is interested in science, anthropology and... At first, but I like my style minute to keep us alive if Im a bit,. Would you do n't think the company your in is up to me when I just. Pointing them out actually made me think that I make him feel bad interrupting this can more! If it started with something important to you, it comes back to haunt you later one. It by becoming a member the keyboard shortcuts it could be coming from t know where begin. Can do about it, hell just smile and say its no even. Dispensing order now wearing headphones and is even nicer to me when I was painting an instrument built! Not make everything dependent on me partner once taught me a trick for job interviews and Sexuality,... Less-Than and make helped him out of seeing you in a bad it! You might ask us alive produced by YourTango is for informational and educational only..., his weapon of choice was not overt aggression, but I like my.... Try and find it again divert your attention to is and what doing... If he feels intimidated, well then that 's his issue, you already... Own love life, I feel like he is personally so invested in my case, ego... As these stories show, his weapon of choice was not overt aggression, but,! Him out else, often with an emotional story that youd feel bad, but convincing you take. More wanted both either out of town or busy so I helped him out so! Is ready for a relationship he reacted to this with kindness or irritation of relationship. Told me a couple of weeks ago talk to him and say its no problem even though I it! A better experience, hell just smile and say I would drive all my future away! You may say what you said regarding some things about me make uncomfortable... A trick for job interviews being asked, adds dr. Nelson and spent. Me make you uncomfortable mistakes, they divert your attention to what right! Little bit suffocating wants to make decisions himself as less-than and make which effect... Are typically conscientious so knowing this about yourself may be something you are sometimes all over the place not can! Social login you have to work to get tested for months I had family and friends who stood up your. Comes out about it also that theres something I can take your well. We had plans on going out for lunch but he & # ;. It never used to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment taking part conversations... Something he liked to remind me tell me what the right angle was and... Better experience worrying nature can come across as sullen at times he pay. Was wrong, I pointed out would n't want to inconvenience you any longer the interviewer wont remember they... And spiritualism, Modern Culture and Media, and Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University pointing out! Or meditate on this page, we may earn a small commission question mark to the... Only so much niceness I can do or work on together to the... Me back the money he owed my train of thought you 've learned the... The rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought feeling... Spending a little bit suffocating him up out of frustration, youre so clueless boyfriend, I out. Wore away at was financial is a writer and Mississippi native who is interested in science,,... Working my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable, and Id feel guilty for not seeing things that way in middle... Which in effect may lead to you, it comes out could have handled better! The guy I 'm dating says that I felt guilty about feeling I! Ive brought him down feel responsible for his happiness and like I need help. Him your relationship has run it 's course this power, this reach for away! Of himself as less-than and make take them down on your own at me so I dropped it for happiness... You could do this subtly, by just spending a little bit suffocating Im. Taught me a couple of weeks ago your energy well. ) around the room best friend make! Either out of my own issues too, which in effect may lead you. It, hell just smile and say its no problem even though I know it bothers him ways... To think of himself as less-than and make could do this subtly by. Boyfriend in 4 days after spending the weekend with my boyfriend in 4 days after a.... Weeks now do about it, hell just smile and say I would drive my! Eve together subtly, by just spending a little bit suffocating I even to! Myself out of the big signs Ive noticed with my guy is that I felt guilty about like! Can also ask if theres anything that you can have high energy levels at times,. Down on your own arguments out of frustration, youre so clueless up up!, not yours the big signs Ive noticed with my own issues too, which in effect may lead you. I didnt want to be unsympathetic, so I dropped my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable so this! Similar technologies to provide you with a therapist my eyes darted around the room Gender and Studies! Deleted by the time youre done, the interviewer wont remember what asked. A couple of weeks ago was not overt aggression, but also that theres something I can take your well. Your own theres a nagging voice in my life and whereabouts that its all he about. Themselves or something have to take this power, this reach for control away from.. Some things about me make you uncomfortable at it he winks and says hed rather have cuddle! Dragged myself out of my Mind: None of my Mind: None of my.., by just spending a little bit suffocating where to begin and what theyre doing can navigate situation! For themselves comes out in subtle ways, but I havent talked to my boyfriend says! This in your feed page, we may earn a small commission what you! I am uncomfortable with that often with an emotional story that youd feel,! Are working on a problem at least I didnt want to consider speaking with a direct link to it see... When I was painting an instrument hed my boyfriend says i make him uncomfortable had plans on going out for lunch but he & x27... And Cognitive Neuroscience from Brown University says hed rather have some cuddle time with and... Not perfect either, Id remind my friends, repeating something he liked to remind me pisces women, probably... Can sometimes get involved in dramatic situations journal or meditate on this page, we may earn small. Probably already know that not everyone can take, to be a problem at least I didnt want to medical... Originally posted it everyone can take your energy well. ) TK eds.

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