my boyfriend says he feels overwhelmed

He was suppose to meet my mom and sis this past weekend at a mice race event. After You have the baby and you are stressed, breast feeding, etc. Well he goes through these episodes of deep depression where he wants nothing to do with anyone. He tells me he has nothing to hide and that he feels like Im invading his privacy when I ask to look through it but it just makes me even more suspicious! It I sure hope to be a friend. im so worried about him, i cant do anything else.. my natural instinct is to help him cope.. what do you suggest I do? I needed this bit of encouragement, hopefully my relationship will take a turn for the better in a while. I do think your approach of talking frankly is far better than trying to play emotional detective by observing his micro-behaviors and things he said, then fishing for clues if he cares, etc. At the time, I had no idea how he felt about me. It is really hard not to take something like this personally, especially when Ive asked him to be better about communication. Wow this made me feel 10x worse. Dont over stress yourself. i have a question about this guy. When your partner compares you to their ex, especially in a way that puts you down, it's not only hurtful, but also likely distracting you from the real issue at hand. . 2. That happened once. i agree with jessicas post. Im reading this several months later, but I must say you are absolutely right. The onus is always on the woman to make things work. Eric, I read this article and I just told him to take all the time he wanted, that I would be there in case he needed me. it was his first gf. Although initially I poked him, trying to solve his problems and offered help. Im sorry youre going though this. A New Mode, Inc. 2009-2023 All rights reserved. "Chances are, if. A quick text can be a great way to show your partner you care and offer them some emotional support and it doesnt require a paragraph-long text. Sasha, I must say, you are a cute one. Only [insert time amount here] left, and then youre free! Im a little concerned. Im in a lot of distress about it going over the details of what I might have done wrong. He blames me entirely for making him think about and deal with this again. Just be yourself and relax and you will be just fine. This article literally answered my questions & let me know what Ive been doing wrong. Sometimes other peoples stories affects our judgements. I suggested it might help if he talk to a counsellor, and he agreed that would benefit him. Especially for someone with low self-esteem, this can be quite a jarring shock. Our wedding is in a month but one week before something major occur and boyfriend is very stress and shutting me out Usually I would love to give boyfriend space, but tomorrow is the date we meet parents for wedding! I REALLY want to be there for him but whenever it starts to get to him he doesnt want to see me. They are not always capable of expressing themselves the way us women do. Then two days later I texted him good night I love you, and he texted, you too hun which is really uncharacteristic of him. Im going through that now. I think Ive ruined my relationship. He lost his wife in 2008 and then had a bad break up with a very unstable woman last year. Last year (2016) my boyfriend really went through it! And he responds (and pay close attention), Why would I act any differently? My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. *He mentioned that hed want to live with me in the future, and a week before my dilemma arose was complaining about living with his buddies this year and said he doesnt want to live with them next year. But i just feel so powerless over his ex. That can help form a great relationship. Thank you! He wants to be the best boyfriend he can be and spend every waking moment with me or he thinks Ill leave him so thats why he wants to be friends and not date bc of all the stress. 41 Small Nice Things to Do For An Overwhelmed Partner Take the kids to the park for two hours. After a loss hell shut down and disappear for a day or two. The guy Ive been dating fir the past 4 months does similarly. i know im choosing to be in it. A very common communication snafu happens when one member of a couple shuts down emotionally during an argument and stops talking. Oh yeah, and let your partner go first. He said, he loves and wants to be with me and that he will show me! Asking him what he wants puts the power in his hands. And if someone anticipates ongoing dissatisfaction and put downs, that person will stop trying. I know this is his coping mechanism but I cant cope. Feeling emotionally supported is one of the most important elements in a relationship. Since then he has disappeared. If you notice that your partner seems to keep their own emotions pretty close to the vest, or is constantly telling you that everything is fine or not much is new, this might be a red flag that they dont feel they can share with you. Dating is the same. I never want to see him mad Sometimes I feel like Im about to have a heart attack, I get these sharp pains in my chest, my stomach turns, Im so disgusted by him. Without that, the emotional climate of a relationship can become stagnant.. "When a couple isn't bickering or disagreeing at all, that's a sign that both members of the couple have given up and are feeling hopeless about the impact they can have on each other and about the chances of the relationship changing," adds Heather Z. Lyons, Ph.D., a psychologist and owner of the Baltimore . For example, he sends me anti religion pics. My boyfriend treats me this way and I dont understand why; he even said it is a not you but me kinda deal. When he is stressed, he hangs out with his friends or does something else. Ive been stupid and I hate myself right now. help me decide. So, what if pulling away is really a sign of depression? To a T. Dump him! They might appreciate your liking and loving them, but it wont change the page theyre on. I realize we can never be a couple. she explaind what happend and he wanted her to call him asoon as her surgury was done. No worries!! But we werent dating. This sounds a lot like what Im going through with my boyfriend. i tried to tell him it wasnt me, i tried giving him space. I refuse to have sex with him because I know what that means to me and what that means to him. I love him enough for both of us, but thats not what his heart is open to at this point in his life. what should she think what should she do.? It's also worth noting that just because your partner tells you they need to "clear their head" doesn't necessarily mean it's the end. they are talking huging kissing and he asked her out. Its really important to be aware of the potential effects your mood has on your partners well-being. I am willing to be there for him during this time however as we dont know each other well i dont want to push it. Later he replied and said it seems his position is apparently no longer avail after Feb, his mom was looking into a medical traveling company for him, things were really, really bad and he has to work all he can. I noticed he started pulling away because he was barely calling me or texting me, he didnt want to hang out and when he was with me, he used to go quiet for long periods of time. Not only is creating a safe space for mutual communication important, its also paramount that partners know and talk about their individual thresholds for emotional engagement. How This New Yorker Went On 28 Dates In 28 Days, It's Hot When People Call You By Your Last Name, The 'Sex And The City' Cab Light Theory, Revisited, Karly & Deb Found A Simple Way Of Making Long Distance Work, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. We are both single parents. Now, I was feeling the disconnect (from my perspective) prior to us having knowledge of his mothers illness. It feels like he is not relying on me but on them. I told him that I respected, cared for him and wished him happiness. He said Im not feeling well, sorry I have been out of commission and my phone was turned off temp, Im depressed and struggling with some things. You know how guys are physical creatures. I havent told him how I have been feeling because I dont want to add to how he has been feeling. I miss him. The day of the funeral he went alone. I wont allow myself to. All I can think to do is leave him be but it gives me anxiety. If he cant control himself and gives in to her that will be the end of us. Also, if youre still unsure whats going on in your relationship, then definitely take our Is He Losing Interest? quiz and find out exactly where he standsand what you can do to get things back on track! Let me know when youre taking a break. He doesnt trust the woman he has been with, he doesnt trust what they have together. I'm feeling overwhelmed by my boyfriend. I still trust him somehow. What I did was still text him once in two weeks. Unfortunately from a month, he has been going through finances issues. We sat and talked until 2am in the bar and laughed and then when we went to leave, he walked me to my car and kissed me. For example, Dr. O'Reilly says you could say: Im not worried about what your friends think. Feel free to ask questions, but seek to understand and not help solve. After we bought my brothers birthday gift, he quickly diverted me and said he had to go to buy groceries and left. I am in a brand new relationship, a little long distance but our schedules between the both of us consists of school, work, and our own kids. Everyday all he does is just watching tv and eat, yet he always complains about how hes wasted his days and he wanted to sort things out but he never able to. The next day when we woke up he was complaining about how I leave and bring too many clothes to his apartment because it clutters his room, which it really does, considering its a small room, and I got frustrated and said well why dont we move in together?-that way I dont have to bring clothes back and forth. Sometimes it could be tempting to think such relationship is goin stagnant or sinking and im unsure how much space wud a guy really need when having low days. So when he gets to come home. I thought if I loved him long enough and hard enough, that my dream would blossom into full living color. I talked with him about my fears and insecurity regarding his ex and everything has been cleared up. I never expected anything from him.. ive been more than patient with him, i listen to him when he would talk about his issues.. and just try to understand, but now hes gone silent.. ive tried to call , no answer, no response to text or email.. do I just back off?? If you really love her, tell her before you pull away, advise her you are in a tough situation and need strength to sort it out, tell her you love her and you will keep in touch but not out of in touch. Ive been reading through some of the comments and Im a little distressed at some of the mistakes I seem to have made with my current boyfriend. . Expanding one's support system to include other relationships can help people process emotions through different lenses and receive diverse input and guidance.. We spent the whole weekend together again. After all, relationships are a two-way street, and if you notice your partner seems distant or you're noticing that they are putting in less effort than you are, there's no harm in addressing the situation directly to find out what's really going on. But I have extra stress when he disappears. Im currently dealing with a similar situation where (I think) stress is pulling him away. My BF is going through financial issues caused by his ex and wants to be left alone until he can figure it out. For now I have just been letting things go responding when he texts but am unsure how long I should let this go on for? His big commitment is his child and senario at hand right now. Weve hanged out 3 times and we have dated before but we didnt take it real we were kind of young then. He never responded to that and has given me no time frame or assurance again. Hum I found this interesting but still wondering what my role is and what I can ask for and whats too much or too little? . So yeah, theres a time and a place for having a frank discussion and being on the same page. :). That is what I did. Its one thing to ask for space while he deals with a stressful situation, but he should TRUST you to give him that space. He is normally very affectionate. So we had a day date and then hung out the next night. I need to ask about men backing off and pulling away. Guys, on the other hand, typically view themselves as weak and incapable if they voice their feelings or lean on other people for help or support. How do I deal with this situation? Man oh man. I care about people, especially ones that I have started a history with. I sometimes feel like Im part of his problem but he tells me Im not. And yeah, I give him space. (I guess!). Tell him this behavior is extremely hurtful. Misses his old one. I reached out to him via email and he responded. It started to really invade my thinking and good judgement. Well for Agirl as i am a guy i can tell you he is holding himself from you, try to give him some hints or just say wat you want, many guys like when girls are free to talk, they feel that girl is close to him, try to make him feel that he is special and then things might start working. FYI, Im an excellent sounding board for venting. I dont know what came of his mothers procedure, I dont know if my BF left town to be with his parents. I decided I am going to too because of my family issues as well. Now, I know this is the reason why men pull away that you don't want to consider, but if it's the one that's ringing true for your situation, it's better that you know now so you can move on with your life. We exchanged 1 text the day before. No call, text, email, smoke signal, nothing. It's basically a separation an emotional and physical timeout, a break." He is either working or laying around at home all day, but he doesnt seem to want to spend time with me. after 5 years he left now he calls and says he needs his clothes says a day hell pick them up and then doesnt , whats going on??? I am kind of in the same situation or maybe worse. Hey anon..i totally agree with u actually it seems like u r in my head or something cuz u literally took my words .i m toi feeling the same i wanna stick around cuz i knw hes going through a tough time but at the same time i feel like i shud ask him to stop doing this or take some harsh steps reading ur comment made me feel soo good cuz now i knw m not alone so yeah wht shud i do how did u handle it, This guy and I work in the same office , hmmm few months back we decided to get into the whole friends with benefits kind of ., prior to that we used to text occasionally Just relax about all of this and that he just needs some time. After this I just began to worry. If they want a committed, traditional long-term relationship go for it! Eric this is so well said So true. Should I just let it happen in stead of making it happen. You have turned my day around hopefully for the better. When he stares and I catch him a few times, he will either hold out the stare and I just look away or he will look away very quick. They were together for about a year. I give him a lot of space, and we just hang out like friends most of the time. Ive had depression in the past, and yes you do push people away because emotions are difficult to process when overwhelmed with issues. He even got off the dating website three days after our first date and a week after our first date he wanted to be exclusive. Then on nov 2 his mother had a biopsy on her liver & lungs. I was so wrapped up in the excitement of meeting him, I didnt ask questions and perhaps didnt take it all that seriously, or just didnt want to hear it. My bf and I have been in a relationship for a year now. the other day she saw him coming out of class with a lady. But he knows me, how I like romance I have got rid of all my friends for him. When I try to talk to him, about our relationship or sex/lack of. Honey if he loved you he wouldnt be taking you though these changes. I know he may not want to talk about her to not start a fight but we use to never fight about her before he would usually see that Im hurt , understand and we would fix it together. But, nothing. The fact is: 99.9% of the men you date are not . And its most definitely not because I expect her to be a nurturing angel. And he have things that troublle him and I really wish I could help him You inspire me each and every day. I didnt offer help, just that I understood and that I was here for him no matter what, and when hes ready to talk; I am here. And if your partner uses any of these seven words or phrases, it could mean they have one foot out the door. He just left for Kauai because he is a General Contractor and building a home there, will be gone for about month and a half. A LOT of it, since I am busy with my works also.

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