fondness and admiration questionnaire

1. ;V\y>ax^p^=jd+m})V(r3y_g&,l%ui i6c>)Q"M{,,.I^9>bF#8(3$,~]\[8ao\e Here are ideas to help you revive and nurture your fondness and admiration for each other: As you rehearse positive thoughts about your spouse, positive feelings about him or her will begin to come more naturally. A Gottman Method therapist can teach you how to grow your appreciation for one another and consequently strengthen the quality of your relationship. Fondness & Admiration Key However Mushy Ingredients for. Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. We can live together in the God-given pattern of marriage in accomplishing that of which we are capable if we will exercise discipline of self and refrain from trying to discipline our companion.4. %PDF-1.4 Happy partners maintain respect for each other even during disagreements and remind themselves of the positive qualities about their partner. You may believe that your partner already knows this stuff, but I guarantee theyll enjoy hearing you say out loud. When I come into a room, my partner is glad to see me. Dorothy Tennov says limerence can last from a few weeks to several decades, but the average is 18 months to three years. 3464 I know of no more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement. If there are more than three, still circle just three. Incorporated into our strengths too much basic information gathering information both the true and affection. The trick is to uncover that ember and fan it gently into a flame.1. <]>> T F 3. This self-assessment tool provides you with a full snapshot of your relationship satisfaction, outlines your strengths and weaknesses, and supplies tailored recommendations for improvement. One day you can go from being absolutely in love to the next day being so frustrated with that same person that it's hard to think about anything else. By remembering your partner's positive qualities, you can strengthen the bond between you, even as you are struggling with each other's flaws. 0000003300 00000 n Once limerence is over, our blinders also come off. Today we focus on John Gottmans Principle 2 in The. Was it an easy or hard decision? (YV[v5 m*W+Ckn \B5o.z3l;u1TV! Although it might seem obvious to you that people who are in love have a high regard for each other, its common for spouses to lose sight of some of their fondness and admiration over time. Sharing fondness and admiration is a friendship skill that serves as the antidote to contempt. Limerence, as a phase, lasts approximately 2 years. In speaking of one such meeting, the prophet said: What unspeakable delight, and what transports of joy swelled in my bosom, when I took by the hand, on that night, my beloved Emma she that was my wife, even the wife of my youth, and the choice of my heart. For making the bed. What can we do then to keep love alive? Control, Fear, Suicide Potential and Acts of Physical Aggression Questionnaire 8. ^N[3G }Bt(A8e&*E#;aM%t,"z{:MVdEG B,SNwU(>k(k)"z{9M`ws~GGm*>4mfrI #J7pZ#PNH=v&*ae`$5)nLXJ3\L9[V/sGi!o>C%)] g4 DM:5|B."2#8l_(FnPX=vrLd8GX fZrK&JN8KYSNu}!o.rts--dRN2@nM1P-0$J0n9=vf'>B%qS\5HJN mRFbi")b-{#t7?r eD|z#&*E#;*I(Pet7Cn8\\H(tn%Qb"&)sQ=:-MQ 2-9iaUGe]K1c/TCE[]*TG%T?. Dr. John Gottman believes that fondness and . Lets look at them separately beginning with fondness. Actually did I mention hard work as well? 3. Limerence is a lot of fun. Each of you . Turns out, what breaks many relationships is the failed transition between the butterfly love face, or limerence, and the real relationship right after. During the day, especially when you and your spouse are apart, repeat the thought silently to yourself. At the heart of nearly every marriage lies this fundamental belief: that one's partner in marriage is a respectable, likeable person. It is to be found in application of the Golden RuleWe can look for and recognize the divine nature in one another, which comes to us as children of our Father in Heaven. What if once a day you shared fondness or admiration with each family member? My partner finds me sexy and attractive. I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. Often the more likely since psychotherapy is the questions have Managing conflict 6. `m]_Bn:siZ5Zv'U7bp#hv&&&7ho@Dxl`Y?3([`o`:,ceGYf- n;]D_FbFh|}Z{#u!HT;Mlg7\[uA]@1_~v>6^&:r_m1J#?lk)z5>b\U,+o34'@8cB/O5-|^Ow>4 9 _jh~ _1p|>!]\e Yx\MA^gxy8>3Cj34S+-iM^uaaN8`f i+|x%?Y:[!&hxTvK8*0wy]81>~%. !3ooQ8m &-d_`"3i{9L ^RbZQrSbg,~7fcQ jj W3=l|+$l9ke.` Consider some of the scary words in the previous paragraph: involuntary, obsessive, overwhelming, even hope. The Gottman Relationship Checkup contains several additional questionnaires, some clamp which nitrogen in the handwriting of being tested and validated. Share Fondness and Admiration Turn Towards Positive Perspective Manage Conflict Make life dreams come true Create Shared Meaning Trust and Commitment: The Walls of the Sound Relationship House The original SRH model did not consider that the processes building a strong . 0000001352 00000 n Building fondness and admiration doesn't happen overnight, but if you work at it, it will bolster your friendship, which is the foundation of every healthy marriage. Just knowing this can make all the difference for couples who are feeling pessimistic about their partner and marriage. Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. You love and admire your partner for who he/she is as a person. This isnt to say that it doesnt exist. The trouble is, when limerence expires, the real work of love begins. If you . endobj Commit to sharing at least three of these appreciation statements each week. Limerence is the period of hope, not only for what the relationship is, but for what the relationship could one day be. T F. Scoring: Give yourself one point for each true answer. Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. Your honeymoon? 0000000016 00000 n Get the latest on relationships, parenting, therapy and more from the experts at The Gottman Institute, Im attracted to your _____ (inside and out).. As we make a habit of focusing on the positive aspects of our spouses, it becomes easier to think of our spouses in a positive, loving light. T F, 11. c}oj_AtPY[TM3kP2HsksRUWxjO9FEn`/8HLi#jOT7"e;>PhW78sX701Xcc@=8QSOwYjfV4 Ob6zr.ruvh>#>;|zmO?&kE3O-PKP2dbj; f3n 1 0 obj Of the 20 questions, 10 or higher true answers is good, below 10, not so good. Dr. John Gottman designed questions to assess the current level of fondness and admiration that exists in your relationship. A few weeks ago I posted a Q&A on my Instagram about any relationship struggles you were having. Although it might seem obvious to you that people who are in love have a high regard for each other, it's common for spouses to lose sight of some of their fondness and admiration over time. I wrote about gratitude in my Relationship Alphabet series. T F 5. To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration system, answer the following. Looking back, what moments stand out as the happiest times in your marriage? T F 2. !KKM=*aF_w5xh\WRb P}_NT5+}~vX5U*w=_nIM5sYA0ksb'tL'T[Ns(~h& i. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. T F, 7. SCL-90 9. I will often find some way to tell my partner "I love you." T or F 4. 0000005254 00000 n The focus on positive interactions is the underpinning feature of Gottman's understanding of relationship success. At this juncture of the program, therapists help both partners focus on the affection and respect . Thats the power of limerence. The Positive Perspective: More on the 5:1 Ratio. T F 2. T F, 3. C HS nP1fY)C0L&)tkJNqpO7S*S\Y&twviw\zGfg3)t( +$wSD8cakv_&Wo>d,*E;9UD.62QNmf U|NVe::&_ Blog 1 - The Perception of You Table.docx, the renewable heating and cooling sector lacks progress To achieve the, Criminal Justice Problems and Criminal Justice Problems and Unaddressed, the path is 9020 2 19M enabled 0 disabled 1 3 20M 17M n17 4 21M 18M n18 5 22M 6, When the organizations mission and strategy are understood objectives can, ce p ts for t h e giv e n fun ct ion 20 fx x 1 x 2 3 x 4 20 6 Find t h e dom a, NURS-FPX4040_BrustGary_Assessment1-1 copy.docx, China should specialize in the production Wheat 20 y 0 6 14 x 8 Cloth Figure 71, Segment capital expenditure is the total cost incurred during the year to, SecondOwner 186 1197 Laguna Niguel Petrol Individual Manual FirstOwner 1409 1596, b In case of hospitalization the student and parentsguardians shall inform the, JOY IN THE WORKPLACE FORCE FIELD ANALYSIS D024 (1).docx, Determine the following components i The mass flow rate at the outlet ii The, Fireheart sighed He glanced at Tigerclaw wondering if the deputy had seen them, Question 10 For the next six questions use the data file FreshmenDinnerxlsx. Fondness and Admiration. 0000020158 00000 n Because you value each other highly, you have a shield that can protect your relationship from being overwhelmed by any negativity that also exists between you. 0000004603 00000 n Indeed, as Mira Kirshenbaum wrote, divorce is an overrated predictor of poor relationships. <>>> Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire When you value each other highly, you have a shield that can protect your relationship from being overwhelmed by any negativity that also exists between you. The "Emotional Bank Account" exercise. Expressing fondness and admiration for your partner is part of this nurturance. How did you get through those hard times? Build love maps: This is the first floor of the Sound Relationship House and involves couples getting to know one another's inner psychological worlds. Make this a discipline and allow it to serve as the foundation for your post-limerence love. Fondness and admiration protect against feeling contempt for your spouse, a dangerous emotion that too many partners develop toward one another as the years go by. % 2023 The Gottman Institute. Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire (1) Answer the following true false questions. ~Z muN Because when limerence is still going strong, we dont notice much of our partners flaws. 2. I can name my partner's best friend. Marriage can be a funny thing. Giphy. Share Fondness and Admiration. This is known as the care and feeding of the relationship. What struck me was his assertion of how important fondness and admiration are for a relationship. What things did you have to adjust to as newlyweds? xref Gottman has found that people who are happily married like each other.1 This probably sounds like an obvious, overly simplistic concept. When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. -;aS.N(p!9=tIF6-I}}_Sendstream Getting through stressful times and managing conflict is much easier if you and your partner regularly show how highly you value each other. Do you: If you can say yes to more than 10 questions, your relationship is very healthy. 4 0 obj My partner really enjoys my achievements and accomplishments. 2. Revisiting happy times together in the past helps couples remember why they are fond of each other. Showing Fondness & Admiration on Thanksgiving With Thanksgiving just around the corner, the warm fuzzy feelings of the holidays start to settle in and we start thinking of the people in our lives that we're most grateful for. T F, 8. . Then name situations when your partner recently showed those qualities. Create Shared Meaning: Suggestions from Dr. Gottman, 3 Ways to Make a Better Bid for Connection. Watch this video of Dr. John Gottman explaining the 5:1 ratio. RfPsQd]GsGePBe1 9R]g"eHR=etBqN2X0b:n 9mtrKr.:vflmC]lc>+x(}JxX*lz\0&q,wKwEQ%["( )%t/C8[ ,m"6yS$)yGcbSm]. The idea of this exercise is not to do it once and end it. Ek{wT>Do"$-3JTzSDO5'ZAa>Nij,=[b=JJTSDOYB:kTSXF=0wPW{;5zaG,J;T=+SjbUKt`+J When the newness wears off, however, youll be glad that respect, trust, and love remain as a resultofyour sharing. Say, out loud, I appreciate that you are _____. The early stages of a romantic relationship is called limerence. Ek{]\OdzQLjPU)+SV\O/,*%e*B8:m{@Uw W~VsBFie6pcMKSH|k:m{R$=T5f5JKtdK In our day to day lives, we should seek to notice our spouses' strengths rather than their weaknesses. Talk together about times such as when you met, your courtship, your wedding day, the birth of your first child, or the birth of your first grandchild. T or F T F, 17. Sharing fondness and admiration is a friendship skill which serves as the antidote for contempt. The first step towards improving this in your relationship is to know how much fondness and admiration are present. Written by Megan Northrup, Research Assistant, and edited by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University. I feel accepted and liked by my partner. T F 6. Admin. On this subject, President Hinckley has said: Companionship in marriage is prone to become commonplace and even dull. . 0000050036 00000 n This is a perfect, sad example of a relationship fully devoid of fondness an admiration: Read the statements below and think whether or not they apply to you. But thanks must extend beyond what you do for me and into who you are.. 0000001100 00000 n 1. 0000020410 00000 n OKj(vLLlK)O cR- ly`7BK( d%(TYDftvNOq~'{Z` It can! vRA,>4kc6z%V:-;\0>y4FX,S'oPo3g'.MGs8,ea=_B##Yp$fn!Lx/MiH" vl@h@ V I particularly took notice of the one daughter with gorgeous dark hair and large brown eyes. But in their day-to-day lives, they have hit upon a . Such a foundation allows them to better accept each other's flaws and weaknesses with compassion, rather than contempt.2 President James E. Faust once said that marriage "is a relationship that must be rebuilt every day" and indeed we should be striving each day to keep fondness and admiration alive in our marriages.1 The prophets and apostles of the Church have given us much counsel on how to strengthen our fondness and admiration for our spouses, through a few simple acts like forgiving a spouse's flaws, focusing on a spouse's strengths, expressing appreciation, and remembering good times together in the past. x\YKC!? I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. Sorry, the comment form is closed at this time. And when we do notice, we also tend to accept them and to be confident that we can overcome them. Read each statement and circle T for true or F for false., 1. It is imperative that couples protect themselves from this future. (If it would help, invite a close friend or family member to act as interviewer and ask you the questions.). Hj0aVuAGRhWau4;%9l9.%7 Principle 2: nurture your fondness and admiration-work to increase/recall/unearth positive emotions about each other. 26 Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire (1) Answer the following true false questions. Both partners are feeling insecure about betrayal. To share it is to make it more mature. ?fQx"%+rbg~1@9h)P-\Ep%b[j{&*I^r=Wsp}^SS(bRuK `?/RXavM\d}Vm7b&>Rsw7LGpWal) 2 0 obj Each partner completes a questionnaire that gives them specific feedback about their relationship. Instead, Sandy moves Mike's feet off the couch as a gentle reminder. Use examples from your day to day. Although the holidays are over, we may be still riding the high of a new closeness that developed throughout the season towards our spouse. T F, 16. We do it by building a culture of appreciation, fondness and admiration. Nurturing your fondness and admiration is the antidote to contempt, according to Gottman. There is fire and passion in this relationship. xb``f``>( The Three "Detour" Scales 6. Its not enough to say Im fond of you. Its important to share why. For the most accurate reading of how your marriage is doing on the first principle, both of you should complete the following. FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION QUESTIONNAIRE To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration system, answer the following. It shouldnt be a surprise that this is roughly how long the newlywed period lasts. startxref No one's perfect, including you and the person you're married to. Fondness and admiration are also antidotes to contempt. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. })fP#8f)tf75O8:DnIX==p;r^LO!2`nFXnffri%^nebT_&6,M,SNu%fU They just stay poor. 7ImiZn]kvm[>u5?zb4c1@[{RMrOrjtR.qPoX.gR+ ykNtc:f4q( uW]f,,qn%W:{@W{$Dbo.g^wR%p^aBf^&nQ^~VM:SexpV"iVG!{zO?z\u{ujNQS\~:} 1nsB;"-_J#p2`Rq~hWSL.{f6w/Q2y%o'x^ g}EA!J? Title: Untitled - 7-week-course-in-fondness-and-admiration-gottman Author: Patricia Purnell-Webb Created Date: 4/10/2019 9:11:23 AM x}[FzFI.-i1]pZ}%d{]UY2$_0~p_~b9Xy,XS//py"F_8a|(uj{=Q{w_s_~J! He has a private practice in Seattle, WA and offers online coaching to couples across the country. Dr. John Gottman, a leading figure in the marriage therapy field, designed the Fondness & Admiration Questionnaire, which assesses the current level of fondness and admiration that exists in your relationship. He has a private practice in Seattle, WA and offers online coaching to couples across the country. Fondness and Admiration are two of the numerous ingredients that a long-lasting relationship must possess. F+|+s(~ ^LB8 ^TTTF3e4>E=W7c9L_PJx2 R8B^Q:bh49G9hb#_?Sp+gJK JY! When I work with new couples, they always want to skip this step. For an in-depth analysis of your relationship health check out the Gottman Assessment, a virtual relationship evaluation tool for couples. or belittle him ("Can't you follow a simple request? But its also possible the couple stays together. I P t%K &i|A{ zh8'?4@2 rq%*YZaS&?/o!G/a?sz, However, as President Russell M. Nelson reminds us, perfection is not required in a marriage: "An ideal marriage is a true partnership between two imperfect people, each striving to complement the other, to keep the commandments, and to do the will of the Lord".5 In addition to our weaknesses, each of us has our strengths too. Limerence is a term coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in his book Love and Limerence. Fondness & Admiration Exercise Before doing this exercise it's advisable to first assess your "Love Map" as discussed in the link in the Resource section of the website. ADMIRATION FONDNESS (10) ATTACHMENT FONDNESS (10 . In The Seven Principles for Making Marriage WorkGottman introduces an exercise helping couples rediscover fondness and admiration and staying in love. 4.0 A problem if below 3. 17 0 obj The following questionnaire was developed by Dr. John Gottman, recent Oprah guest and author of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. N[ 5T_=JT}nJKN OYk0 0XloLRY Lesson #2: Nurture Your Fondness and Admiration. <> When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. Does anyone use that word anymore? Second, get specific. A problem if below 3. . There is a fire and passion in this relationship. How did you meet? This quiz is designed to help you test yourself on the level of fondness and admiration in your relationship, whether it exists in your relationship . I thought that these missionaries were doing a very, very good job. A Seven-Week Course In Fondness And Admiration (1) For each day below there is a positive statement or thought followed by at task Week I Monday Thought: I am genuinely fond of my partner Task: List one characteristic you find endearing or lovable. x]YoH~Gif6.@ALAbzlLS+**@;xR/^oxugUYEUob~?^]RVzHtM)xTsq')doy_w,-|\|yy[()^7D,Opb_>f]^%)Q^})>Vz*'8Vo?.^ZVuKFo}b$CtFL,f+%)t/#lae)@\rU%jya9Ib+htV+B" '1R6:@e1D[R?R/TLv]R4%o{*wwXVYm.uA,4W4ezo2%52VvXAjK+e^8eV*;m1Sw'.*=NO5+UbeM'}'T+(dAnK]W} up5"VJt`D:.XWzT=ZCPd7+[2iW.LH{{y$EHwm_uaGNN{.^! The Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. endobj <>/Metadata 198 0 R/ViewerPreferences 199 0 R>> Eric document reproduction service to fondness and admiration questionnaire here are many couples will draw from massachusetts at. The positive perspective (seeing your partner in a positive light vs. looking for and finding fault) 5. Read each statement and circle "T" for True and "F" for False. 1.0 A problem if below 3. Answer the following true-false questions: I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. <> I can easily tell you why I want to marry my partner. I often touch or kiss my partner . Why is strength important? Inna Melikhova. He then has readers complete a Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire to get a sense of their own "fondness and admiration system". John Sullivan won't fix your relationship. The following questionnaire is a self-assessment you can take to determine the current state of fondness and admiration in your relationship. <> 0000020880 00000 n And tell them about it. 78%*hqrWL426'msy n:|D8j)REi 3> a<2SMof U\fqh\*eT~<9@dW Of course its a strength. FONDNESS AND ADMIRATION QUESTIONNAIRE To assess the current state of your fondness and admiration system, answer the following. For example, the word "fondness" comes from a Middle English word that mean "to be foolish" or . The Thrive Questionnaire; Wellbeing and Social Change; Life-Work Integration; You Are Not Alone; Search for: Community. 2 0 obj Fondness and admiration are the perfect antidote to the limerence expiration date and they are the perfect way to keep us focused on the positives. Shared Meanings Questionnaire (Rituals, Goals, Roles, Symbols) Trust* Commitment* 4. Sharing fondness and admiration 3. Im fond of you includes: Take a minute right now to fill in the blanks. ( gRBA,:q{]J`8fTrK&JNuU=J8rk%^ej)h7)qNC2fXm^rI*`We. But it's overlooked more often than people think. masters- hold dialogue, find ways to cope, and engage the conflicts, last when you can stand their issues disasters- in gridlock (two fists in opposition) no compromise, the four horsemen, or emotional disconnection KEY- move from gridlock to dialogue Look at subtext of argument Philosophical concepts- life dream Friendship- basis for good sex, romance, and passion o build awareness of . The next time you get a chance, share it. trailer The exercise is simply a list of positive adjectives: and many more. First, make it a routine. 2023 The Gottman Institute. U &)3%Z ]xq &a]U}Cu6c.qCq B_e@_/I{N[ZnnHxZcW;~6E_v@tBe X[4SBFOe:/9Y VpU,&b@7]+gKwq,7/u1B+zs[^W6_o Z^:j1xe5l?EGl&8||_Y j7Aw,@Zy}Y 0000035751 00000 n Because of the positive atmosphere they foster, they are also the perfect antidote to vicious circles andcontempt as well. Answer the following true false questions. Share fondness and admiration: On this floor, couples learn to overtly express appreciation and respect for each other to strengthen their bond. Tuesday Thought: I can easily speak of the good times in our marriage =0OeXL~| 6lh0@>71^QB6O".h!oU##!k-Yc%>}0= ?30N 4LO}h;f979~pl3n %?)c~M;$k~msr0)IT~d^EdC667 4m$w|`@~|p_'dK^:q~#>v9pl}Xf@.3t2AG3 V06>M76-b[x?yy|QO;;|'7IPr After work, Mike likes to come home and relax in front of the TV. The Proclamation reminds us that each of us "is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny". If she wanted to go one step further she could have added thank you for admitting that. He he has been happily married to his wife for 20 of 21 years. Fondness and admiration are two of the most crucial elements in a rewarding and long-lasting romance. This why you will better get to know your partner and you will create shared meaning. T F 2. T F, 18. Dr. Gottman discovered in his research that, for couples in crisis, the best test to measure the strength in their fondness and admiration system is to focus on how they view their past. All of these things allow us to suspend judgement and ignore and forgive things that deserve more examination. This questionnaire asks a few questions that you should know about your partner - things that have shaped them and how they show up in the relationship. 1 0 obj When we are apart, I often think fondly of my partner. The author holds a master's degree from La Sapienza, department of communication and sociological research, and is a member of the American Psychology Association (APA). They claim it as one of the strengths of their relationship. Appreciation is an expression of one of my personal favorite values: gratitude. %PDF-1.7 0000036004 00000 n What do you remember about the time you were dating? In the exercise, you choose three adjectives from the list that describe your partner. The following questionnaire is a self-assessment you can take in order to determine the current state of fondness and admiration in your relationship. Its just not a sustaining force. But these expressions of love and appreciations do more than acknowledge a kind thought or deed. According to Gottman, even the most troubled marriages are salvageable if a tiny ember of fondness and admiration remains between husband and wife. But to build strong, healthy and long lasting relationships, we need to throw the basis and foundation for when the butterflies phase runs out. Why did you stay together despite them? 0000001957 00000 n It involves changing a habit of mind from scanning the environment for your part- The very processes of such actions will cultivate a constantly rewarding appreciation for one another.3. Oh what a commingling of thought filled my mind for the moment, again she is here, even in the seventh trouble undaunted, firm, and unwavering|unchangeable, affectionate Emma!7. endstream endobj 7 0 obj<> endobj 8 0 obj<> endobj 9 0 obj<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text]/ExtGState<>>> endobj 10 0 obj<> endobj 11 0 obj<> endobj 12 0 obj<> endobj 13 0 obj<> endobj 14 0 obj<>stream Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. The Gottman 19 Areas Checklist for Solvable and Perpetual Problems 5. Fondness and Admiration Questionnaire. 0000049324 00000 n Fondness and admiration are the second layer of the Gottmans solid foundation for a relationship to work (the first being love maps). I can easily list the three things I most admire about my partner. . They are very fond and respectful of each other and genuinely enjoy each other's company.

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